How suppressing your emotions can kill you.
Conscious Healing: I am writing this, in the back of a small Fokker plane that is finding its way over the Nord Sea, from Amsterdam to Newcastle, UK. As I was checking in, I experienced the physical sensation of fear in my stomach.” That is strange”, I thought, to be anxious again, this soon after spending a week of releasing a massive heap of suppressed emotions.
This intense Life Transformation week was the last part of my training to become a Journey practitioner. It turned out to be the deepest healing week of my life. A week that potentially has prolonged my physical survival (although the general consensus is that everybody’s time of death is fixed). There is no doubt that a lot of unnecessary pain and ancestral suffering in my life and that of my children has been released in past, present and future during this intense week.
So why was I feeling this anxiety? The answer arrived as I checked my phone while boarding. My one year old golden retriever, Jaimie, has escaped again and my two young sons were at home are panicking.
There was also a message from my neighbour that Jamie had almost been run over by a lorry in town. Using up the last 2% battery life on my iPhone, I connected my oldest son with our neighbour and prayed for the safety of all involved. Imagining my boys running the streets alone after a big disobedient dog, is not a scene that brings me peace initially.
On the bus from the terminal to the KLM plane, I feel a new emotion welling up in my left shoulder: the familiar rage towards my children’s nanny is showing its head again. After all, I just paid a fortune for a dog proof fence around our garden. The only way our puppy could have escaped is out of the front door.
Ok, rage is here and I have learned to let it have its way with me.
Whenever you embrace an emotion rather than shutting it away in your body, it only lasts two minutes max and then you will drop down into the deeper emotion and finally you will reach the Peace which is always within.
I allow the rage to grow, I no longer fear its power. It presents itself by muscular tremors in my arms and shoulders. Like a current, it runs upwards from my tight fists to the top of my head. My core muscles contract. I shiver for a minute or so and then drop into peace.
I am the last one to board the plane as I have lost my boarding pass somewhere in the tumultuous period from checkin till now. I choose not to panic (there is only one flight a day and they are usually sold out). “Ok” I say to myself, “It is gonna be fine”. With a luggage tag in one hand and my hand luggage in the other, I climb the steps, beam a big confident smile to the air hostess and start shuffling towards my seat.
OMG! I just realised that the manny ( a male nanny) is collecting me from the airport in an hour and I have this rage and anger towards him.
As I have learned during my training, it is preferable to have a Conscious Communication with the soul of that person before confrontation.
So I imagine that the manny is sitting in front of me at a campfire and as soon as I express that I am angry with him, my heart fills with love for him.
It is the love of a mother.
“ I care for you as if you were my own child”. Tears start welling up in my own eyes. Now I understand why I have tolerated his substandard behaviour for so long. “It hurts me to say but: If you don’t pick up your slack act from now on, you have to leave our house. There is a lot of love here but ned a nanny that actually does the work that we agreed on before you came and lived with us.”
Thanks to the campfire consciousness which is unconditional love, I realise that I am fearing the sadness of the loss( grieve) of another person from my inner circle.
It feels as if I am throwing my own child out and that hurts. I feel guilt.
My soul realises that he is a beautiful human being with a pure heart who doesn’t do his job.
The plane lands and Gil awaits me at the gate.
I have a heart to heart conversation with him on the way home.
To be continued……
I read a great article from the Chopra centre on Conscious Communication please read follow the link:
My Surgeon Talks to Angels: A Journey from Science to Faith eBook